We listen, we don’t judge…

Why Suicide? Why take your own life? How bad can it get? These were some of the questions I asked many times I heard someone has taken his or her life. How low can a person get that suicide becomes the only option?

I think I now have a glimpse of what it means to be at one’s lowest. I mean it! A lot of people are going through stuff and I mean really hard situations. Some time back, I found myself drowning and unfortunately I knew all the right things to do but I did not have the stamina to do them. I couldn’t pray, I read the scriptures but it seemed vague. I would go to church, get all hyped and then come home and struggle through the week.

I was tired, and although I never thought of taking my life, I actually was too tired to make an extra effort. I was drained! Trust me, I understood how a constant feeling of tiredness could lead to something really bad. I began to see a part of me that I didn’t know was there. I would easily snap, withdraw, and unlike me who would previously give excuses for people’s actions, I was quick to find faults.

My tiredness was due to accumulation of past hurts, that I never got to really heal from. So, with every new hurt, I felt a part of me chip off, a good part of myself seemed to disappear. In these moments the devil sowed a strong seed, I felt abandoned. I waited for that person who would notice and come to my rescue but none did. I was disappointed and then moved to isolation mode. I unconsciously and consciously began to isolate myself from people and this didn’t help at all. I thought, “nobody really cares, so why bother?”

However, isolation cost me a lot, as I saw myself cascading downward. I would find myself shedding uncontrollable tears, staring into the space, and mostly too exhausted to do anything. In isolation I missed out on the joys of giving myself to others. Yes, there’s great joy in giving oneself. The Joy of putting smiles on the faces of others is priceless, and that’s what I was deprived of.

Do I still wish I had more support from family and friends, Yes! But I guess they had their plates full. So, I refuse to be held back anymore and I apologise to everyone that my silence may have hurt. I am deeply sorry and I hope to be a better friend. To be accountable, I would love you call me out if ever I get down this road.

Today however, I choose to change the narrative. Not anymore, this life is hard and not the type I choose. Enough of the focus on me, as I hope to give the very best of myself. And when I get weary I will speak strength and continue from where I stopped. For in giving of myself I will also be receiving of others.

Need I mention that during this season, God sent me one of my younger sisters who have been an anchor to me and for this I am thankful.

Today I am a year older! Actually 24 months from clocking 40 and I choose to be grateful and wiser, so help me God. I also covet your prayers to become the woman God wants me to be, moreso that I know I am way behind.

Lessons learnt:

1. Trust God! Hold fast to him, even when everything in life says otherwise.

2. There’s nothing like a strong person, everyone needs some attention and comfort at some point in life.

3. Even when you have the feeling of abandonment, withdrawal is never the solution. Stay around fellowship.

4. When you feel neglected, take a bold step and reach out to someone. Don’t die in silence.

5. It’s better to give than to receive. Be that friend that calls, chats, checks on others, gives, shares a meal… The list goes on, and if we are all doing our little, then perhaps, our fellowship will be richer and fuller

6. When the bible advises we don’t get weary of doing good, it’s because there’s a huge possibility to. For every new day we must ask God for grace to do better.

7. There’s a way to grieve (which I really can’t say I know) but I’m sure isolating oneself is not the way.

8. Always make people seen, and don’t be quick to dismiss their feelings.

Thank you for reading my true confession.

Flat tommy goals this new year!

Mummy’s life – a testament true!

Mummy’s life – a testament true,
A soul in Christ, both hid and new.
Oh, how she loved her Lord above,
And walked in faith, in boundless love.

She cherished the brethren, held them dear,
Her steadfast faith knew naught fear.
In many pictures, there she stood,
Her Bible clutched – her shield of wood.

Like armor strong, it bore the fight,
Quenching darts of darkest night.
Oh yes, that Bible, always near,
At weddings, feasts – her faith sincere.

She spoke the walk and walked the word,
A life of grace, her voice was heard.
One soul at a time, she changed the way,
A light to guide, a heart to stay.

She gave her bounty, shared her bread,
With friend and foe, by love she led.
No hand too small, no heart too low,
She poured her kindness, let it flow.

At dawn she woke to seek His face,
To hear His whispers, feel His grace.
Her Bible worn, her prayers deep,
In secret hours, her soul would weep.

Her beauty shone in modest grace,
No jewels sought, no fleeting chase.
No trend could sway, no brand define,
For virtue clothed her, pure, divine.

A wife so true, in love she stood,
Submission’s crown—she wore it good.
Submission pure, her vows unbound.
Like Sarah bowed to Abraham’s lead,

She walked in grace, in love profound,
She honored love in word and deed.
If life were scored, her grade would be,
An A-plus mark in loyalty.

Her world was Christ, her life His own,
Without her here, the days feel lone.
Yet though we grieve, we bow and trust,
In God’s own will, so kind, so just.

And now we whisper soft goodbyes,
With grateful hearts and tear-stained eyes.

Mummy is gone, yet we remain,
Her light still shines, her love remains.
Her legacy—a path so true,
A guiding star for me, for you.

If truly now we miss her voice,
Then let her life define our choice.
To walk as she, in faith so bright,
To live for Christ, to shine His light.

Like Ruth, who vowed with heart so true:
“Where you shall go, I’ll go there too.”
“Your people mine, your God my own,”
A love unshaken, deeply sown.

Can this resolve be found in me?
To love the God she longed to see?
To honor vows, to humbly stand,
To serve with heart, with open hand?

To rise before the break of day,
And kneel to God, to watch, to pray?
DdvTo share with joy, to give my all,
To answer Christ’s unyielding call?

So let us pause, look deep inside,
Review our steps, cast down our pride.
And whisper low this earnest plea:
“O Lord, refine and strengthen me!”

“I want to love, I want to give,
“I want to learn, I want to live.
“Not just in word, but deed and truth,
“To walk in light, to be like Mary Ebiojo Onoja”

Mummy is gone, yet lives she still,
In hearts that yearn to do Gods will.

Mummy, holding fast to her Bible as seen in most of her pictures.

I finally found a name!

I faintly remember Panam Percy Paul mentioning how he came about the name “master of the universe” as his personal name for God. With envy I began a quest for my personalised name for God. You can’t blame me for wanting my own, of course a girl would always try. Also, at that time it sounded like a noble course, if Panam could then I can (so I thought). Unfortunately, after much brainstorming nothing novel came.

Fast forward, years and months after it has finally come. Oh yes it has! The mistake I made before was thinking that the name would be birthed from a place of brainstorming and intellectual reasoning. Little did I know that experience/encounter should be the basis for this naming ceremony. Check the scriptures, for every man that had a name for God, it came from a place of encounter and experience.

Much has been said, so let me introduce you to my first personal name for God. I call it my first because I believe that over the years I have left here on earth more names will be birthed and it will not be from a place of intelligence nor intellectual permutations (as I have learned my lesson). I call Him “the God of my fathers”. Yes, “the God of my fathers”. I know it may not sound fanciful and novel, trust me I know that feeling. However, that’s the name I’ve come to know God as. I think that if I’m true to myself, that is actually what I first came to know God as.

Beyond the many fathers God has gifted me, I have two that I call ‘biological fathers’. That is my father and my father’s elder brother (I once wrote about them, you can refer to my previous articles for a read). These men were my first Bible, and the first life image of Christ I ever saw. As much as they strive for perfection, these brothers are yet to fully become perfect, but it’s amazing that even in their imperfection they exude the life of Christ. The love they have for each other is sweet; a love founded on their love for Christ. This love is also evident in their love and commitment to family, the church Christ and even their enemies.

These past few days I have seen the God of my fathers at work and there’s nothing as attractive as it. The miracles, fellowship, togetherness and love is enormous. Today I conclude this blog by presenting to you “the God of my fathers, the God that can be trusted!“

My Fathers and their sister.

God doesn’t exist…

Before you judge me, hear me out. I had a number of reasons to come to this conclusion this year. The year started on a bad note for me with the change in government in Nigeria and hardship that followed. I never believed a day would come where I’d be clueless on what the next meal would be or be so broke that my account would be in complete red. 2024 showed me shege, yes real shege.

I have heard people talk about depression but I didn’t understand the implications. I am careful to say I experienced depression but what I can tell is that on many occasions in 2024 I was so down. I would find myself overwhelmed with tears, hurt and pain. There were days where I would shut everybody out and on many occasions I just felt like a failure. I stopped pushing for the things I normally would have and strangely I didn’t know how to pray anymore. I read the bible on and off, my life was a complete mess.

The year got so tough that I began to question God’s existence because I felt abandoned. At other times I felt, if there was a God probably he didn’t like Nigeria, and didn’t care a hoot about me. At some points I reached out and shared how I was feeling to a few close family and friends. Some just didn’t understand and a number prayed for me and even did follow up.

Thankfully I am ending this year in the affirmative that God does exist and it’s for these amongst other reasons I reached this conclusion.

1. Food on the table: For someone who was completely broke on several occasions to have food on the table at least twice a day, if that isn’t God giving me manna then what is?

2. Divine provision: Once upon a time I thought these words were some vague talk but not any longer. Else how do I explain monies coming in miraculously just to meet certain needs, sometimes even before the needs are evident. Abeg leave that thing, if this isn’t some divine workings, what is it?

3. Family and Friends: There’s something about my family whether nuclear or extended that doesn’t exist everywhere else. These guys are my rock. It was in one of my siblings houses that I got the encouragement to set the goal to read the whole bible, I’m yet to achieve this goal but it at least got me reading my bible on and off. My sisters, brothers and cousins were my prayer bank. My aunty, one in particular was my personal shopper (oh if there’s anything I got right in 2024, was looking good). Or is it godly friends who gifted me not only prayers but gifts at points of need. If these guys are not angels from God, tell me who they are?

4. My Father: I would use my father as a case study to buttress this point but trust me, it’s not just him, it’s my mothers (both past and present) and all those I call parents much more those of the body of faith. My father’s life is one I envy so much. I have never seen purpose, essence, peace and contentment in a person as I have seen in this man. The man exudes the life of Christ, it’s so visible. My God, watching him sometimes gives me shivers, the man shows me a better way to live. So you can’t blame me if I can’t settle for less. The bar has been raised too high, I hope you get it?

5. Me: I am tired of kicking against the pricks, it’s truly hard. I know a little of what it is like to be on the opposing side of God and it’s hard, very hard. I have tasted both sides and I would rather be wrong following God, than right fighting God. So God, today I surrender and I scream with my loudest voice that you are the realest thing that has happened to me. I choose you today, tomorrow and forever. If not you, who?

My conclusion for 2024 is that God does exist! This is evident in His works/acts in my life, in the people He’s placed around me, in the peace I have in Him and most importantly in who He is; ‘God all by himself!’

Pictures are only pictures!

The other day I decided to put my picture as my husband’s WhatsApp profile picture. I took a lovely picture with a friend’s iPhone and I needed it to be somewhere, but I did not want to change my WhatsApp profile picture either. So the task had to be my husband’s, and it was an easy one to attain given that we have unlimited access to each other’s phone. I simply sent the picture to my husband’s WhatsApp, and in a few seconds I had me looking all beautiful and lovely on his WhatsApp status.

Few days after, a colleague called my husband via WhatsApp and on seeing my picture concluded that I was marking territory. He mentioned to my husband that I didn’t need to make such a move, considering my husband wasn’t one to conduct himself unseemly. I felt my husband should have said something in my defense, at least let him know that the picture was not borne from a place of insecurity or mistrust. Sha, if you know my husband you won’t be surprised that he let it slide; the guy no de get strength for some kind plenty talk.

To show you how much I liked this picture, I had also uploaded same picture on my Facebook page on my birthday. The previous Facebook profile picture I replaced this one with, had been there for over 8 years, so I decided it was time to change the narrative and what better time than on my birthday. Later that day, my cousin’s husband who called to wish me a happy birthday asked if I was the one in the picture, because he could hardly recognise me. Hmmmm, you wouldn’t blame the idoma man for asking because like I always say, “iPhone na filter on its own”.

The day I took that picture was one of those Sundays that I had some energy to do a little dress up and small makeup, plus the fact that the clothe too was fine, and the atmosphere was giving cool vibe, then the iPhone just cemented everything. What that picture failed to tell, is that at that time I was undergoing some level of stress. It didn’t tell that I have not been at a too good place in recent times. I can imagine some people thinking that my husband is all lovey dovey hence the reason for putting me on his status. Not true, of course I don’t doubt that my husband loves me but I would have had to wait a long time or lobbied to get my picture there.

I am sure you now understand why I say pictures are only pictures! They don’t necessarily tell the true story. And even when they do, they never tell the full story. It’s so disheartening then to see so many young people hinge their lives on beautiful pictures. How can you be so shallow to think that a beautiful picture of a couple means they are happily married. Else, how do you explain the divorce and hate that sometimes follow these pictures? How do become so discontent with your giant achievements just because you saw a picture? How do you dislike your body just…? It’s cool to want to become a better person, but it must be for the right reasons.

That’s not to say I’m anti beautiful pictures, of course not! However, know that pictures are only pictures. They’re just a snapshot of moments. Meaning that, they are snappy and short.

So the next time you feel intimidated or pressured by a picture, remember…

The next time you think you should do a copy and paste, remember….

The next time you want to make comparisons, remember, pictures are only pictures!

My cousin’s husband thinks this doesn’t look like me…

3 years to 40!

For someone who will rather see ‘my’ half glass of water as half empty rather than half full, the reality that I have only 3 years to clock 40 has left me wondering what I have done for the past approximately 40 years. It wasn’t in error that I chose to say ‘my half glass of water’, I sometimes know I could be a little hard on myself. One of my sister has often accused me of this.

I actually woke up this morning feeling I haven’t done so much with my life, until the calls, messages and prayers from family and friends began coming in. Then it hit me that I had done well for myself, no not I but God, yes God has done well for me. I still can’t figure out how people survive without family and friends. My family is not perfect but they are amazing. I remember how I wasn’t initially very excited about my Dad getting remarried. However, now I am eternally grateful he did, because I doubt we would have had him around for this long, thanks mummy. To parents non-biological, I say ‘merci’ for keeping me on the straight and narrow path.

My siblings are all amazing, they come with their different dramas, but I would rather the dramas a million times whether sweet or annoying, than not have them at all. These siblings are not one or two, neither are they four, they are quite a number and I am always too careful to count, for fear of leaving one out.

Amongst my family members are my Aunties, my mother’s sisters. Ah, these elegant women are very positive formidable forces in my life that I remain eternally grateful for. The love they have for their late sister is so fierce and genuine. Thankfully, my siblings and I are huge beneficiaries of this posthumous love. 

My friends! My friends span across ages, tribes, cultures and genders. Even though I am that friend that forgets to call on birthdays but my friends rarely judge. Most, if not all my friends have had to bear with my shortcomings at one point or the other but this didn’t deter the relationship. True, I am not the easiest human to befriend but I have tough friends who’ve stayed, and for this I am grateful. 

So, although I have only three years before I turn 40, and may not have achieved as much as I would have wanted to. I still can brag that I have what neither money nor fame can buy, I have people, yes very good people. So cheers to me, for being so blessed and cheers to you all for making me wealthy! 

Happy birthday to us!

‘Women supporting women’ is underrated!

Women are quick to use words like “during my time”,”when I was your age”, “when I was in your position” and lot more comparing words on their fellow women. So, you give birth and rather than listen and understand what you are going through during visits, women have a tendency to want to share their […]

‘Women supporting women’ is underrated!

Writing short!

I was advised to learn to write short, so I don’t loose my readers. My thoughts though was that true readers will read through, whether long or short. Sadly these ‘true readers’ seem to be diminishing by the day! We are in a social media age where people would rather watch than read. As beautiful as this is, it could also be our undoing.

Reading has its own appeal and creativity. A good reader is a storyteller, a producer, director and then an actor/actress. When you read you engage your minds in ways you cannot imagine. Of course, that’s why readers are considered to be smart people. The less readers we have the more endangered the world will be, because the less creative minds and then a less creative world!

So, while I try to shorten my write-ups, you could also try to broaden your reading. Be that person that will save the world from… Cheers!